There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
