This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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