I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
