a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
