just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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