Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
