Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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