Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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