Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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