if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
