I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
