This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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