we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
