I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Help. Why am I so naked?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
