I cannot find my penis.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
