dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
