I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
