You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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