last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
