I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
