It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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