Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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