idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
