I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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