Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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