My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
