I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
