she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
