I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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