Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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