Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
