420 ftw
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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