i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Randomize
