In the future we'll all be gay
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
