I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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