you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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