Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
