Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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