she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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