even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
