I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
