y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
