she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
