So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
