it wasn't lemon gatorade
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
