i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
