My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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