Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
