R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
