he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
