i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize