yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
