I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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