I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
