Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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