I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
