Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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