I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
