Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
