they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
