I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
