i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
