We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
