I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize