Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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